Stress

Sometimes I don't know how I do it.  My life is stress.  Right now I'm broke with hundreds of dollars looming in bills.  I spent practically the whole month (there is still a week left) attempting to get one of three money streams to work... they are not looking promising.  My sons are eating me out of house and home, since schools out, contributing little back to the family good.  And then one of them has the audacity to tell his friends that he runs the household.  We have decided to offer the 18+ group of kids a contract dictating that they will follow the rules or move out.  Failure to sign the contract will force an eviction by force if necessary.  That should settle any difference of opinion between their mother and I.  It's hard to watch a kid with no or little faith flounder.

I have been a millionaire twice now.  Both times I was denied holding the cash by a circumstance just out of my grip.  I often wonder what I did to earn my health, wealth, and influence.  I used to be first place then I dropped to second.  Now, I ponder over why I find myself always on the other side of the fence.  My siblings appear to avoid me.  My son likes to make sure I know this as he is off with his cousin.  Being so bright and involved I wonder why he doesn't move on with his life.  Any more that feeling of accomplishment you get from crossing the finish-line after everyone else has gone home and the sun has set is all I live for.

This last week I keep running into a saying from Mark Twain something like this "A lie has to fit between the walls of probability and belief to have credibility but, the truth is easily dismissed because it has no walls."  I have spent a lot of time sorting truth from perceptions and lies.  No body cares.  Right now I'm watching 8 people I care about elect to follow a lie to their graves spending loads of money as they go.  Agency, I don't understand how others forfeit theirs so easily and accept death.  I know.  I crossed my "T"s and dotted my "I"s.  I proved that I found the truth by testing it 4 different ways : using it, going without, others' research, and prayer.  Who cares.

We have been lied to in our history, government, science, health, food, energy, politics, and economics.  No one cares.  The lies are easier to believe.  Fortunately, I am an optimist with a heart line strait to God.  He has helped me understand that we can make mistakes even pertaining to the things mentioned above and still receive a few blessings.                                              

The Big Oak Desk

Last Sunday the topic of offending the Holy Ghost was introduced into a lesson.  In my experience the Holy Ghost is more like a large heavy oak desk.  Very beautiful in nature, very powerful in presents, very dedicated to purpose, and as this essence of majesty, It has no reason to run but stand firm.  It is we that pollute our vision and handicap our path.  The desk is before us with its draws full of gifts.  Its top is covered with a thick glass, impermeable to our activity.  A phone, strait to truth, is on its corner.  A planner and calendar provided for us to guide our business.  And last and most important pictures of loved ones adorn its surface.  Now we can choose to use the desk as designed or we can attempt to cover the desk with magazines,  travel brochures, garbage, and other things that hide the desk from us.  However the desk is still there even if we can't see it.  The phone and other accommodations lost to our view... still remain.  We may need help finding them.

I don't see the Spirit as ever offended but extremely disappointed as we choose to hide our heads with our agency.