I sit here at close to midnight listening to old music I found on an old computer hard-drive just feeling it and reminiscing. We are so blessed by the love of God as the posterity of Divinity. The order that is found in the intricacies of math, chemistry, physics, music, languages, joy, and the many forms of love delights me. To live is such a great gift... I find it hard to see why some people are so eager to pollute or destroy it. "Je chanterai" a song from Celion Dion rings out with this experience but most would miss it being lost in the French interpreting.
Oh, that I had the voice of an angel, even as I have heard so many times, that I could expound the Glories of God found in all pure art, talent, effort, and trial. That I may show his hand even as I have seen it. Even the plainness of such a simple geometrical shape as a sharp corner manifest in wood screams with such order as to manifest Gods love for us. Otherwise, if He loved us not, understanding and order would loose its coarse and corners would not be so crisp if at all.
Often, I find my thoughts drifting through the stars. It reminds me how small I am, as I lay on my back looking at the night sky. It amazes me, even as I feel the force of attraction to the earth, how my prospective changes and I feel at the mercy of gravity keeping me from floating off aimlessly.
Not long ago I gave a talk in sacrament meeting. It was my intent to display orally the importance and commitment I have to my wife. I heard from a group talking afterwards as they stated "wow, he really loves her" how unusual it was to have such strong connections. I was taken back as I only believe in strong connections. It perplexes me when others treat cavalierly those relationships that compose the tapestry of life. I have seen others throw their relationships away for so many trivial reasons. I just what to beam some sense into them. But, I just shake my head as a feeling of clarity reaffirms agency as a God given gift to all.
Even now in my situation, there are those that would undermine my wife and I in the practice of our relationship. Things got inverted as per what would be considered the norm by most. I can't say that I'm content with the arrangements we had to make. A few have approached us with the condescension that we have sinned or that I have sinned and that she should leave me.
Our first child died shortly after birth. At the funeral we were told that it would break us up. I couldn't believe my ears. Why would I multiply my pain by leaving my wife? Yes, she was in pain too. She needed me to lend shoulders to cry on for awhile. It was hard for me because I needed support too. Yes, it was bucket draining as for a few years we passed what little water we had between us back and forth until it began to increase again. I can't see my dumb luck with employment as a reason to divorce any more then I could see leaving her for center squeezing the toothpaste. We have dealt with a lot of little things and some not so little things that have ended the relationships of others. It makes the others look petty and superficial to me especially those that are addicted to money.
Well, that will not be a problem in 12 to 18 months as the dollar dies and is replaced by yen. Those that where so hooked on making money for security will find their work void and the years wasted.
The truly sad thing here is that I can't even explain what has really unfolded in our family pertaining to the world stage. I have been a multimillionaire twice now but do to my luck I can't do anything that would claim my wealth without jeopardizing my family. So, I appear as a whacked out bum with a truth that most people can't wrap their minds around even if I was to expound it.
Humanity, a challenge to be overcome. Goodnight
