I have to admit I wasn't looking forward to Christmas this year. I am a physical and emotional wreck... in a happy sort of way. Granted my kidney is sore and my ego is bruised. I spent money I needed to live on surgery instead of food. In the past years I've gained hundreds of pounds of weight, I've lost great hoards of money and yet my wonderful wife stepped to the plate and made up the difference instead of leaving.
Yesterday I was reminiscing over my failed attempts to prove my worth, considering I can't count on my body much the last few years, and fretting over Christmas gifts for family. The best I can squeak out of the money we have is maybe a few things in a sock and a meal if I skip the bills one month. Between city ordinances which created the need for surgery and all the towing fees moving cars and having to take one car out of commission accented by our sons lost revenue, our food budget for December dropped to 200 dollars to feed 6 people for 4 weeks on gluten free food. (Trust me using food containing gluten is only cheaper superficially.)
Anyway, I'm was licking my wounds and feeling sorry for my contributions to the family when I sought my Father in prayer again, I seem to be praying a lot as of late. I was swept back to a WWII German concentration camp and how unfair it was to be Jewish or a lucky Christen stripped of all worldly possessions and coldly executed in some torturous fashion. Every person on this world and all the other worlds die. The trick is doing your best with what you get.
Giving life and unconditional love is what matters most. Jesus The Christ's life was tortured and short as He was tried and died to give us life and show us His love for us. Christmas is a Christen Holy Day. No lack of packages or other creature comforts can really dim that star of so long ago as it shines through timeless space.
This hasn't been a very productive year for me personally but... I know my Father loves me and nothing I suffer here on earth good or bad can compete with the joy His love brings to my troubled soul. I love my wife in words indescribable in the English language I just hope she finds me worthy of her love in return.
